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her firefly stare

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(no subject) [May. 20th, 2009|11:29 pm]
her firefly stare
Wow I haven't actually updated this in close to three months. Alot has happened since then.

I graduated college, with honors. I worked a lot. Went to a few shows including Bamboozle. I decided to stay in DC for the next year. I'm still in search of a place to live. I've had never ending guy troubles, which always seems to be my topic of discussion.

After very casually dating Eric and Nick, and both ending simultaneously, that same week I met our new sous chef, Dave, who replaced Eric and started hanging out with him. This was at first nice and a lot of fun, then he got all weird after 3 weeks or so because of work. Inevitable so it seems. Well then another few weeks later I see and hook up with Eric again. That brings up all of those feelings again. Oh but not even four days prior, while I was in NJ I met a guy Rob here and hung out with him. It was an overwhelming week. And typical of myself, I ruin what Eric and I had going again and he has stopped talking to me once again. Dave will get drunk and want to be with me and tells me all kinds of wonderful things, then he sobers up and gets mad at me for it all. Another endless cycle.

Well now I'm in NJ for a few weeks and trying to escape it all. I met a guy this past weekend, a friend of Tam's and we seemed to hit it off but I have not heard from him, so I'm taking a hint and dropping that idea before I look stupid once again.

Erin and I went to AC the past three nights and had a good time. Last night I met a guy in the casino who seems really cool. They started talking to us while playing wheel of fortune at 2am and we all ended up chatting. Peter, the one I was taking with, seemed cool as hell too. We started talking music because he's in a band from NJ n said he was playing a show in DC soon. We talked about the format and fun which made me super happy because any guy that likes the format and fun is a double thumbs up in my book. We exchanged numbers and were texting a while tonight too. We'll see....

Otherwise, I'm working back at Merle Norman for the next two weeks while home and basically just hanging out. I'm really stressed about finding a place to live. I need to move next weekend and I have nothing yet....
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(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2009|02:31 pm]
her firefly stare
I have not updated in quite a while and I will soon, maybe once I graduate haha but I found this when deleting my OLDDD mail and though it needed to be shared! I wrote this freshman year about identity construction. My thesis was how The Academy Is... constructed their own identity in the music scene. I love them to death, god knows, but I'm not so sure I'd write this same paper again, read for yourself and see. Regarless, it brought back some memories!!

The Academy Is…is ‘Almost Here:’ The Construction of Their Identity as a Band in Today’s Music Scene Collapse )
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(no subject) [Feb. 25th, 2009|12:04 am]
her firefly stare
i cant talk too much about this without losing it again but everything is an utter mess.

i had been talking to nick and eric... but minimally just to see how it all played out. i liked/like them both and of course they both expressed interest at the same time so i was just keeping it slow. anyways. two weeks all was wonderful.

sunday nick tells me he we have to just be friends he likes someone else
monday eric tells me its not working out and he is seeing someone else
today i am a freaking mess.

i was better and having fun at jimmy eat world tonight but as soon as i walk in the door eric calls me back from my earlier call about it and just tears me down again

tam has been the very best though, i love him. he makes me cry even more but in a good way.. just look

IamFredAstaire86 (7:31:30 PM): what's wrong baby? don't they treat you like they should?


Auto Response from xWideEyedFlutter (7:31:30 PM): If you don't, well honey then you don't

jimmy eat world at the 930

.....

IamFredAstaire86 (11:55:28 PM): it's ok
IamFredAstaire86 (11:55:32 PM): you will
IamFredAstaire86 (11:55:57 PM): and when you do it will be everything you ever thought it would be and more
IamFredAstaire86 (11:56:23 PM): the thing that sucks is that it takes a while
IamFredAstaire86 (11:56:46 PM): and that sort of carries over for everyone
IamFredAstaire86 (11:57:01 PM): you've just gotta find the good in it all
IamFredAstaire86 (11:57:12 PM): even if it's only like a crumb size of good
IamFredAstaire86 (11:57:14 PM): take it
IamFredAstaire86 (11:57:19 PM): keep it and remember it
IamFredAstaire86 (11:57:36 PM): because that crumb will be someone elses' toast
IamFredAstaire86 (11:57:45 PM): and that was a really weird/gay metaphor
IamFredAstaire86 (11:57:53 PM): but it's true
IamFredAstaire86 (11:58:06 PM): besides relationships blow
IamFredAstaire86 (11:58:13 PM): they're over rated
IamFredAstaire86 (11:58:20 PM): they suck
xWideEyedFlutter (11:58:26 PM): not to someone thats only and always single
xWideEyedFlutter (11:58:37 PM): you know me
xWideEyedFlutter (11:58:39 PM): you know how i am
IamFredAstaire86 (11:58:42 PM): yea
IamFredAstaire86 (11:58:46 PM): but i ask you this
xWideEyedFlutter (11:58:47 PM): im much more of a relationship person
xWideEyedFlutter (11:58:49 PM): than not
IamFredAstaire86 (11:59:20 PM): actually no cause I don't know how to phrase the question
IamFredAstaire86 (11:59:25 PM): and it was a bad question anyway
IamFredAstaire86 (11:59:28 PM): I know
xWideEyedFlutter (11:59:32 PM): now im intrigued ha
IamFredAstaire86 (11:59:33 PM): but trust me
IamFredAstaire86 (11:59:54 PM): one day it's gonna hit you square in the face
IamFredAstaire86 (12:00:07 AM): and you're gonna meet someone that gives you those butterflies
IamFredAstaire86 (12:00:11 AM): all the time
IamFredAstaire86 (12:00:43 AM): and the only they don't give them to you is when they kiss you and those butterflies go from your stomach to your heart and then to your head
IamFredAstaire86 (12:00:52 AM): they won't play stupid games
IamFredAstaire86 (12:01:01 AM): they'll let you in
IamFredAstaire86 (12:01:19 AM): and they'll be everything to you
IamFredAstaire86 (12:01:28 AM): that' you've been
IamFredAstaire86 (12:01:38 AM): you just have to be patient
IamFredAstaire86 (12:01:56 AM): and sadly you're gonna have to fall flat on your face alot
IamFredAstaire86 (12:02:04 AM): just kinda happens



how much do you just wanna hug him. im lucky to have such a great friend to listen to my crazies
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(no subject) [Feb. 22nd, 2009|10:43 pm]
her firefly stare
how is it that all things seem to always crash down so quickly and suddenly.
i need to get away from here and go home...
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(no subject) [Feb. 8th, 2009|06:06 pm]
her firefly stare
Well nothing beyond interesting has been going on. Work school, all the same old stuff. Last weekend I worked the worst shift of my life on Friday, as I'm sure everyone has already heard me bitch about enough. Saturday I saw valencia and houston calls with Anna Laura, I met her in my theater topics class and we started talking. She was wearing a TRS hoodie so I assumed she liked good music, which was true, and invited her to come. Got to see Alexa after only FOREVER so that was awesome. Afterwards I met Amsa and her friends in the city for a late dinner. They had lots of trouble parking and whatnot so it ended up being even later and we went to a different place to eat. It ended up being really good though and worked out great. It was a nice night.

Sunday I decided to do something for myself. I got up in the morning, got ready, and went down to dupont alone for brunch. It was so nice to just relax and not worry about anything. I went to The Front Page and sat at the bar. I made friends with the bartender who lives right chinatown right near McCormicks actually, had unlimited mimosas and a fabulous buffet brunch. After that I walked down the street to Joy of Motion dance studio where they offer drop in dance classes. I took a beginners ballet class. Although the difficulty of the class was ridiculously easy, my technique is very rusty so it's good practice right now. After I walked around the outdoor farmers market and went to whole foods. A very lovely day!

Well this week nothing too interesting. Work and class, Ashley and I went to dinner on Tuesday at chophouse and got an awesome discount from Tyson, our old chef who is now chef there. Friday was very fun though! Kathleen came into the city and we venture to, where else? Chinatown for dinner. Everything was packed because of the game but after walking around for a while we settled on waiting for a table at Clyde's. Luckily within 5 minutes people get up at the bar and we grab their spots. We got AWESOME burgers and drinks. This begins Kathleen's dominating me in finishing her drinks all night. Haha. We also got 2 free shots from some guys who were nice, a little creepy, but basically harmless. Sweet deal.

After that we headed to GB because I knew we'd get the hook up there. Kathleen again surpassed me by an entire drink this time, crazy. Francis came over and joined us which was cool, I haven't seen her in so long! Then Rob, the manager there, bought our entire check. ;-) I'm pretty sure he likes me, not to sound cocky, but he's been overly friendly lately and then as soon as my friend or whoever come he runs away. Haha.

Next we headed to Rocket Bar. We were drunk by now and taking is slow. We got bar seats and hung out. Kathleen got hit on hardcore by a guy that works with her dad, that sounds a lot creepier than it actually was! He's young and cute don't worry haha. Then Eric and Jacob come over, of course when I'm talking to her guy's friend. Shortly after they arrived though they start kicking everyone out. We then decide to try to get into Jackey's or Szcheuan. Oh so back story on these places, they're chinese food places that secretly serve liquor all night but you need to have an in or know the code to get into them haha, love sketchy chinatown. So we fail at both so decide to go eat downstairs at Jackey's and try to get upstairs. We fail though and Eric orders cold jellyfish. Weird. Well then we call it a night and part ways.

Saturday I was lazy before going to host at McCormick's, yea host. They conned me into that one. Not really, I just can't say no to them. That was loads of fun, especially because it was the one night we were actually busy. After I got food and a drink at GB and went home.

Today I met Carla and her roommate Erin at The Front Page for brunch again. It was good to see her! After I went to ballet class again. The technique is starting to come back to me. Then I went to silver spring, I was going to wash my car but it was such a long line that I just went to DSW and got new shoes! Nice.

Now I'm exhausted and unwinding. So Eric and I have been trying to find time to get together now and all. We have tentative plans for Tuesday night. I'm really excited to finally see if this can happen. However, I have a sort of date, well getting drinks after work thing, on Wednesday night too, with someone else. But I'm excited about this too. Of course, this all makes me nervous. And typical, there is no one at all for months and two dates in one week. I'm jinxed I think. I don't want to mess anything up with either until I can fully assess both situations. Ah wish me luck!!
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(no subject) [Jan. 30th, 2009|11:51 am]
her firefly stare
I've gotten no sleep last night/this morning due to being woken up by Patrick calling me a MILLION times all night ugh, and Tracey getting locked out this morning. double ugh. I'm so tired but cant sleep anymore!

So what did I do?? I watched Lucky Stiff (our musical senior year), and two of the slideshows we have, one from the drama showcase our very last theater thing we did senior year and one Brett had made us all a few summers ago.

WOW. Whenever I watch those, I miss high school. I mean, I can't imagine going back to the school schedule of high school and whatnot, but we seriously had THE BEST times EVER there. I was lucky to have such awesome friends. We were all so close and so crazy. We lived in that school, on the stage and in the band hall, it was our domain, our second home, it felt like home. I miss all the fun things we did and crazy times we had. Seeing these slideshows brings it all back. It's been so long now, I can't believe it, four years ago we were rehearsing for our last musical. It feels like yesterday sometimes.
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2009|12:34 pm]
her firefly stare
My day was brightened so much this morning. Eric texted me at 8:44am to tell me he slept 15 hours.

He's been sick all weekend and not sleeping at all and really tired. He would update me every day on this all haha.

Two reasons I'm so happy about such a silly text. First, he though to text me it, he thought of me when he woke up and wanted to tell me it. Sounds dumb I know I know, but really. Second, it is the first time HE has texted ME. I've always said something to him first and he's responded. Given we do not text a lot because I soon realized he is not much of a text conversationalist. But he did text me this morning.

Wow I'm pathetic, but at least I'm happy. :-)



Knock on wood....
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(no subject) [Jan. 26th, 2009|03:05 pm]
her firefly stare
Please just disregard this entry because I already know I'll be whiny and shit. Aka you'll be like shut up. So save yourself now, I just need to vent.

Well not really vent, idk. I feel so weird. I got to work last night and this morning again with Eric. I should be so excited that he's leaving because now we have a chance to be together. But right now, I'm not. I think it's because nothing is definite. When he worked here it was at least guaranteed that I would see him sometimes even if it was not frequently and it was only interacting at work, but it was guaranteed he would still be in my life in some way. Now, although he's said NUMEROUS times we'll hang out, nothing is for sure. I'm pessimistic I guess because things just always seem to end up that way.

Last night I has asked him if he wanted to come to the valencia show on sat with me. I'm sure he wouldn't be super impressed with the bands or anything but we'd have fun and it was at the ottobar which he'd love. He told me he'll be at home though in pittsburgh, he's leaving tomorrow, but said we'll hang out when he gets back. Today he was saying bye, I gave him a card from everyone that we put together last minute haha but he gave me another one of those nice long kill me inside hugs and said he'll be in touch. Never once have I asked about am i gonna see you? or when were gonna hang out? Everything has been him volunteering the offer. Gosh I hope so, I don't know what happened. While I was hope I barely worried about it, but seeing him again and spending time with him actually which we hardly ever do because we worked different schedueles and when we did work together I was in cocktail so I barely saw him.

I'm sitting in the PDR right now listening to music waiting for my shift to start at five. I havent eaten because I'm sick to my stomach which is ridiculous. I feel like crap. This blows, all week I had so much fun and excitement at work and it is all drained away. He made it exciting to come. I'm being overdramatic I still have all my friends here who are awesomely awesome and I still love spending time with. It's just different. Sigh. I dont know... lets hope its for the best.
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(no subject) [Jan. 25th, 2009|12:57 pm]
her firefly stare
I guess I use this and update a lot morning during school because it is an excellent means of procrastination, as I am doing now.

It's been so long, I didn't talk about home at all. It was ll so great. I spent a lot of time with my sisters and I miss them so much, but it's ok, this is the last long break from them forced upon my by school, thank god. I watched a lot of Lost over break between getting my brother into, Erin into it and Tara into it I watched the first season 3 times. But its ok because its AMAZING. It was good to see all my friends, especially Tara because I have not gotten to spend time with her really in a year, I saw her last spring twice but we hadn't gotten to really spend time together since last Christmas and it was so good to see her.

Well now I am back in DC. Things are alright so far, roommate problems are settling at least on the outside. I walk on egg shells in the house the just to not provoke anything. Tracey seems totally cool now but Kristen is just up on her high horse and likes to create shit. I don't want to bother with that all now though.

Since I have been back I've worked every night, which I enjoy though. It can be stressful but I love being there and I love my friends there so much. Also Eric's last day is tomorrow, so I've picked up shifts so I can see him a few more times before he leaves, sad I know. I am working tonight and a double tomorrow. I worked with him last night too. He's always so much fun in the kitchen I will miss it. However, it is possibly a really good thing. All along we couldn't do anything because of work etc. Well now that's not a problem and I didn't have to leave or anything, its the best possible scenario really. So we talked about it while I was home one night. He seemed to want to hang out and see but seemed kind of chill about it all just wanting to take it slow nothing too much right now. That's fine, I know him well enough to know that its just him being apprehensive and not wanting to dive in head first into something, he's not looking to just screw around though as I had learned from our lack of that last time lol. So hopefully it will be good, gosh I hope so.

Well I should do some homework since I wont have much other time to do it while working my life away. I want to try to get a lot done early one so I don't have to worry about it late this semester, we'll see if I can find the motivation though.
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(no subject) [Jan. 21st, 2009|01:35 am]
her firefly stare
i desperately need to update.. soon.
until then...


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